Monday, September 17, 2007

Said Hamlet to Ophelia,
I'll draw a sketch of thee,
What kind of pencil shall I use?
2B or not 2B?
- Spike Milligan

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Once there was an elephant,
Who tried to use the telephant-
No! No! I mean an elephone
Who tried to use the telephone-
(Dear me! I am not certain quite
That even now I've got it right.)

Howe'er it was, he go his trunk
Entangled in the telephunk;
The more he tried to get it free,
The louder buzzed the telephee-
(I fear I'd better drop the song
Of elephop and telphong!)

Laura E. Richards

Thursday, August 16, 2007

What did the carrot say to the wheat?
" 'Lettuce' rest, I'm feeling 'beet.' "
What did the paper say to the pen?
"I feel quite all 'write,' my friend."
What did the teapot say to the chalk?
Nothing you silly....teapots can't talk!

by Shel Silverstein

Thursday, August 2, 2007

I Am My Own Grandpa
by Molly Ellis

Many, many years ago
When I was twenty-three
I got married to a widow
Pretty as could be.

This widow had a grow-up daughter
With flowing hair of red.
My father fell in love with her,
And soon the two were wed.

This made my dad my son-in-law
And changed my very life.
Now my daughter was my mother,
For she was my father's wife.

To complicate the matters worse,
Although it brought me joy,
I soon became the father
Of a bouncing baby boy.

My little baby then became
A brother-in-law to dad.
And so became my uncle,
Though it made me very sad.

For if he was my uncle,
Then that also made him brother
To the widow's grown-up daughter
Who, of course, was my step-mother.

Father's wife then had a son
Who kept them on the run.
And he became my grandson,
For he was my daughter's son.

My wife is now my mother's mother
And it makes me blue.
Because, although she is my wife,
She's my grandma, too.

If my wife is my grandmother,
Then I am her grandchild.
And every time I think of it,
It simply drives me wild.

For now I have become
The strangest case you ever saw,
As the husband of my grandmother,
I am my own grandpa!


Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Class GasThe teacher passed out and fell right off her chair.
My classmates are crying and gasping for air.
The hamster is howling and hiding his head.
The plants by the window are practically dead.
There's gas in the class; it's completely my fault,
and smells like a chemical weapons assault.
So try to remember this lesson from me:
Don't take off your shoes in class after P.E.
--Kenn Nesbitt

Thursday, July 12, 2007

Dad's in the Bathroom
Dad's in the bathroom!Turn on the fan!Avoid all the vaporsas much as you can!
Mom's stuffing towelsunder the doorand hopes that the odorwon't buckle the floor.
She's tried using sprays,you must understand,but most of the spraysjust stay in the can.
They know what they're in for.They don't stand a chanceagainst air pollutionwhen dad drops his pants.
He peels lots of paintfrom our bathroom wallsand off of the doorwaythat leads to the hall.
We've tried putting charcoalin his evening mealbut still, every morning,more paint's gonna peel.
Sometimes he's embarrassed,but I think he's proud.It's manly to do that,for crying out loud!
It's something he's good at.I'm sure he's the best,and most of his buddiesare very impressed.
Copyright; Albert Van Hoogmoed Email: